Comparisions Can Kill

Do you ever find yourself saying "if only I could ________ like _________?"  You fill in the blank.  I caught myself the other day, thinking if only I could run a meeting like so and so. As I thought about it some more, I realized that I was comparing myself with somebody who has much more experience and practice than I.

Comparing yourself to others can really be demoralizing.  Instead, I like how its done in sports such as cross country and track.  They keep track of your personal best.  You compete against yourself.

My daughter was in cross country last year and she was down after a meet because she was almost in last place.  So I suggested we look at her times instead of how she stacked up with the other kids.  By the way, and this is pretty cool, the coaches would hand out a piece of paper to the students after each competition with their latest time and their past times.  When we compared her time to past performances, we could see that she had improved and was continuing to improve.  Your personal best- that is all you can do.  And practice will improve your personal best always.

Do as I say and not as I Do- I don't think so.

I hate to admit it, but I've been guilty of using this phrase in the past.  What a cop-out.  It's just an excuse for me to do what I want to do and not hold myself accountable.  I believe great leaders lead by example and not just words.  I, in no way profess to be a great leader; however, I do strive to be the best leader I can with my family, with my business and in my community.

I recently had the chance to test my own commitment to this principle.  I somehow knew this would happen, too.

This past Saturday, one of my fellow *Toastmasters was competing in an area contest.  I verbally committed to being at the contest and tried to encourage the other members from our club to come out and support his efforts.  As fate would have it, the very next day after making this commitment, I found out one of my business partners and mentor from the East Coast was going to be here in California that same Saturday for training.  Now I had a dilemma.  Do I stick with my first commitment and support my friend competing or do I go to a meeting with one of my partners I rarely see?  

After some gut-wrenching thought, I knew what I needed to do.  I actually knew all along the right decision.  I was just trying to rationalize how I could wiggle out of my commitment. 

I am so glad I made the right choice.  It was a great contest and I was there supporting my fellow teammate.  And the icing on the cake- he won the contest!  I was so blessed to be a part of his experience.  I left the contest energized and excited.  I am still stoked (notice the time stamp of this post).

Teach commitment, teach teamwork and if necessary, use words.

*Toastmasters International is a non-profit educational organization that teaches public speaking and leadership skills through a worldwide network of meeting locations.

Who is Standing Guard?

Who do you have stationed at the gate of your mind?  Barney Fife with his single bullet or Dirty Harry with his 44 mag?  I don't know about you, but I will take Detective Callahan and his "Shoot first, ask questions later" attitude every time.  Don't feel so lucky now, do you, negative thoughts.


Negative thoughts are like a thief in the night.  He comes in unnoticed, when you least expect it and when you awake, you find all that you worked so hard to build is gone.  So cunning, so deceptive is he.  He seems so innocent at first.  Negative thoughts are like a lion cub; it seems so cute and innocent until it grows up.  Then all it wants to do is eat you!

So what can you do to guard your mind from the negative thoughts?

1) Be ever vigilante.  Be like a military scout, scanning the horizon for a small dust cloud in the distance or the glint reflected from the the rifle of an approaching enemy.  It is a constant battle.  Be especially wary when you are tired or sick.

2)Write your negative thoughts on paper then write the opposite truth of each.  Expose the negative thought and combat it with the truth.

3) Fill your mind with positive thoughts before going to bed at night.  Your sub-conscious mind is very powerful and goes to work while you sleep.  Definitely, do not watch the news before bed!

What do you do to remain positive?

Have You Done Everything You Can Do?

A few months ago, I finally saw the movie "Rudy". This movie came out in the mid 90's and it has been recommended to me by a few different people for awhile now. It is a great movie based on a true story. By the way, if you haven't seen this movie, I highly recommend it. There are quite a few life lessons that can be gleaned from this film. It is the story of a young man who has a dream of playing football for Notre Dame and the adversity he must overcome to reach his dream. By the end, of the movie, I was crying like a baby (I know, it's a little embarrassing).

There is a part in the movie where Rudy is attending a junior college while he is trying to get accepted into Notre Dame. In this one scene he meets with a father who is counseling him and Rudy asks "Have I done everything I can Do?". What a powerful question.

Do you reflect on your day and think about what you did well and what you can do better? Can you say, at the end of the day, "I have done everything I can to be one step closer to my dreams and goals"? 

One other side note, it is just as important to reflect on your successes as it is to review the things you could have done better.  We can talk more about this specifically in future blogs.

Championships are Won on Your Bad Days: Lessons from RC

Who is RC?  Ricky Carmichael.
5 Time AMA Supercross Champion
10 Time AMA Motocross Champion
Nickname:  The GOAT
Famous Quote:  "Championships are won on your bad days"

For a motorcycle racer, when he has a bad start or has a crash during a race, he needs to get back on his bike and refocus;  block out the negative of what just happen, control his breathing and focus on the race in front of him.

What about the rest of us?
It's easy to have a good attitude when things are going well.  But how are you on your bad days?  What is your attitude when everything is going wrong?  How do you turn it around?  These are the days that really test your meddle; these are the days you find out who you really are and what you're made of.   These are the times when you need to keep your focus on where you want to go and avoid the ruts of negative thought.


On a personal note:
This hit home with me recently with a situation with our own family.  Our two dogs got out of the yard the other morning and they were gone.  We found Xander that afternoon, fortunately, but Betty was still missing when we went to bed that night.  My son, also,  lost the gas cap on his car earlier that day and neglected to tell me until after 9 o'clock that night when the auto parts stores were already closed.  In that moment, I began to think of all that had transpired this day and it would have been very easy for me to take it out on my son at that point.  Instead, I blocked out the negative, controlled my breathing (and tongue) and focused on the situation in front of us.

I had a very difficult time sleeping that night.  I noticed my thoughts continued to spiral downward and I even began focusing on other negative situations in my life besides our dog.  I finally had to get up and do something about it.  I needed to fill my mind with positive to counteract the negative thoughts in my head.  I just read a for a short time, but it did the trick.  I was able to go back to bed fairly quickly and with a completely different mindset. 

Fortunately, this story has a happy ending: one of our family friends found Betty the following morning.  I also experienced firsthand, how important it is for me to control my thoughts and attitude during difficult times.

Ricky Carmichael is now retired from motorcycle racing, but we can still learn from his words of wisdom.


"Championships are won on your bad days."

Watch this video tribute to Ricky Carmichael and find out why Ricky he is called "The GOAT" - it's probably not what you think.

Your Approach

How do you approach life?

Since I was a kid, I've heard it said "live each day as if it's your last".  This has never worked for me.  It evokes feelings of fear and anxiety.  So much to do and so little time.  It's a bit overwhelming for me.  I would probably spend my day doing something on my bucket list instead of doing the things I need to do.

What if, instead, we spent each day as if it was our first?  Remember the first time you met your spouse or saw your kids or your first day on the job.  This, to me, evokes feelings of excitement and wonder. 

What if we approached each day as a child?  What if looked forward to the rain or stopped and or awoke early to enjoy the sunrise?  What if we asked more "why" questions.   Us adults can learn a lot from kids.

How would you live if today was your first?

Who Get's the Credit?

Football season is upon us.  I really enjoy football.  Besides the bone-crushing action, I also like the correlation between football (or any sport for the matter) and life.  Goal-setting, team work, practice and preparation are just a few of the things we can glean from sports.  And if you would like to learn about leadership, study the coach.

If you ever watch the post-game interviews, you will notice a common thread among the great coaches.  When the team wins, the coach will give all the credit to the team.  He will praise the offensive line for their great pass protection and the running lanes they created.  He will talk about how the quarterback made the right decisions and protected the ball; and how the defense really stepped up when they needed to and so on and so forth.  On the other hand, when the team loses, these same coaches will take complete responsibility and blame for the loss.  You will never hear him blame even one player when the team loses.  Isn't that the epitome of great leadership? 

"You can accomplish anything, if you don't care who gets the credit."  Harry S. Truman.

What is more important to you?  Getting the credit or accomplishing the goal?

On the flip side, would you be willing to take one for the team and be the "fall guy" when things don't go according to plan- even if it wasn't your fault?

How do you perceive fear?

Sometimes when I need to venture out and do something new, the fear can almost be paralyzing for me.  So I began to really focus on my feelings when I am outside my comfort zone. I have heard it said that fear and excitement feel very similar in our body. So I thought back to when I felt like this previously trying to recall a time I experienced this feeling before only with more excitement than fear. I had to go back to when I was in high school playing basketball for the school team.

It was the feeling before every game. It started in the locker room as we would mentally prepare and Coach would go over the game plan one last time.  Then we would walk out onto the court and the anticipation would begin to increase and continue during warm-ups.  Then just like that, the feeling would be gone with the opening tip. 

I realize two things about this feeling: First, this feeling of fear and excitement is my friend and secondly, there is a key ingredient that will minimize the fear and maximize excitement.

Can a little fear be good?

When playing basketball, there were a few times, before a game, this feeling was not present. These were the games against opponents that we had blown out before or knew we should beat. It was difficult to get “up” for those games and it showed. I would usually play sloppy and make quite a few mental mistakes. The fear and excitement sharpens our focus and prepares our body for the task in front of us. It places importance upon an event that forces us to focus our mind and energy on the task before us. Just don’t let the fear dominate.

The elixir for fear

The second thing I realized from my "glory days", the best cure for fear is preparation. The more we practiced and prepared for our opponent, the more our level of excitement would rise and at the same time, the fear would be minimized.



People really like this feeling of fear and excitement.  They just don't realize it.  Think about it.  That's why horror films and roller coasters are so popular.  So why is it that some things we look forward to with great anticipation and others we dread even though our body experiences the same feelings?  Maybe it's the level of preparation required?   It doesn't take much preparation to see to see a horror film; you buy your ticket and find a seat.  On the other hand, if you need to give a speech in front of a large audience, it may require quite a bit of practice before the fear is less than the excitement.

How can you turn fear into excitement the next time you find yourself out of your comfort zone?

Why Invest in Yourself?

The Gift of Frustration

Life was not hitting on all cylinders for me and for a long time and I was resigned to the fact that this was just the way it was going to be. But I kept driving forward hoping the “Check Engine” light flashing brightly in front of me would eventually turn off on its own. The frustration kept gnawing away at me, though, to the point where it was getting harder and harder to ignore.

True Change

I’ve always known where the frustration originates, but I didn’t know how to change it. It was my boss, the job, the economy, my career choice, my family, the lack of opportunity, the wrong people in congress and the list goes on. If I could change these things my life would be so much better. There in lies the problem- how do I change all these things? What a daunting task. It wasn’t until I heard the words of the great business philosopher, Jim Rohn, that I realized the real crux of the problem. Jim said, “For things to change, you must change.” It is so easy to focus on the things we can’t change and so hard to look at the one thing we can change.

The Adventure Begins

We were meant to live a life of passion and purpose- not just “get by” and survive. The key to a better life starts with you. I do not say this as a seasoned traveler; instead, as one who has merely seen a glimpse of the possibilities and prefers not to travel alone.

“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation” Henry David Thoreau

The Last Frontier

There is a place that still has not been conquered by man and even though a few have made the journey, they have still not begun to see all that this place has to offer. Yes, some have made the trek to this place and returned to tell the stories of great fortune and adventure. Others tell of the great risks and pain of such a foolish endeavor. Some turn white and knees buckle at even the thought of such a perilous expedition. Some are “preparing” to make the journey some day, but will probably never actually get past talking about it. Some have heard how challenging and difficult it can be and really dislike the thought of such work and discomfort.


I have heard the critics and the cynics, yet, I cannot help but wonder if the rumors are true; both the good and the bad. Unfortunately or fortunately, there is only one way to find out.

What is this strange, unexplored frontier where so few have tread? A place the vast majority will never see. A place of great risk and great riches. A place common to us all and yet so foreign and unknown. A path all can take, but few will choose. What is this mysterious place that I speak? It is the journey within.

It will be uncomfortable, exhausting and can even be down-right scary at times. On the other hand, it will be exciting, fulfilling and you will do and see more than you ever thought possible.

Some might say: “I would take this journey if only…If only I had the time, money, energy; if only I was younger, smarter, more experienced”. The only thing one should consider is looking back and wondering “How things might have been different if only I dared to take the journey”.

Dream Big - Do Big!